Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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