My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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