my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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