I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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