my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And the cops told us we were all naked.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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