he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
