Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
