We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
