Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
