She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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