I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
