woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
