I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
