ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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