Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
