He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
