I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
im six kinds of drunk right now
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
