The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
