there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
