So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They are going to name an STD after you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
