I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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