The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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