I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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