handjob tips. give me some.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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