You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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