I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
