I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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