dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
