All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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