Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
