Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
