Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize