She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
