I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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