He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
