No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
