I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
