so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize