I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
