theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
