Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
