just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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