party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
