You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize