I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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