Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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