You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
