I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
