hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
