Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
