He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
