You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
