sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
