just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
