Where is the hickey?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
