Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize