i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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