It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
nutella sex= disaster
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Randomize
