I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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