dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
