Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
