would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
