Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize