i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
