DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can't turn off my feet"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
