Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
my liver is dry heaving
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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