Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
