Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
