I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just cropdusted the office
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
