Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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