DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
