I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
