my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
