we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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