I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
