turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
