So drunk its hurt
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
