Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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