She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
