My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
