well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
this hospital has no fireball
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
