obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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