I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
