I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
