your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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