Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
