Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
