take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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