you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
