hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
