Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
