so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I touched a dick in church today
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize