I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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