Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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