I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
