just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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