I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My penis needs a shock collar
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
