It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
