im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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