Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
