umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
