please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
