I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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